So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
