come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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