Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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