I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
