david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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