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• (619): View more from California

  Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.

  (1-619): View more from California

  i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  We need more drag queens in our life I've decided

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• (210): View more from Texas

  IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

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• (619): View more from California

  there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.

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