Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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