with your own penis?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
