Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
