I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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