I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
