My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
