If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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