Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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