i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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