So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
