i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
