First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
