i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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