are you still at the devil's house?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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