I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
