I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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