Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sarcasm needs its own font
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
