lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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