I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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