it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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