Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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