Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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