the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
