Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
