whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A+ Viking dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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