And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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