May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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