I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
