whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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