problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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