.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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