I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
