Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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