So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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