drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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