I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
