Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
