the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
