I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
