if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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