just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i have two assholes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
