'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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