This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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