she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
