turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
two words...techno handjob
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
