did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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