break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
