obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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