u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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