Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
