i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
