Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize