I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want her autograph on my taint
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
