im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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