your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
